Rewind

In my desperate search for something to entertain me and fill time so I don't have to actually do anything productive I started replaying Bioshock for the third time. I discovered an "unlock framerate" option that lowers the visual quality and increases frames per second. I wish more games had these because I am addicted to smooth running video games.

I have an appointment tomorrow to have an ingrown toenail removed. I have had around ten ingrown toenails in the last several years. This one in particular pisses me off because I had a permanent procedure on the nail. I am starting to think this doctor is screwing me over. I remember the first few times I had them done and I was really sensitive and it was painful. Now when I go there it's just business as usual and if there is any pressure it barely phases me. Unless the nail is really bad and he might have to numb it up more. Oh yeah. That's the part that always bothers me. The procedure usually goes like this: The doctor rubs what I think is iodine all over my big toe to sterilize it. Then he uses a "freeze spray" to numb the surface. This is the most painful part. It's like ice cold needles falling on your toe. The next part is less painful and more uncomfortable. He inserts a needle in several spots and slowly injects a numbing chemical. Then you wait in the room for ten minutes or so while your toe slowly becomes totally numb. After that time passes he comes back and takes out a large pair of clippers and takes off a giant chunk of nail. Then it bleeds profusely for a few hours so he puts on a large amount of bandages and this thready gauze that always gets stuck to the wound after the blood starts to clot. It doesn't come off until you soak it in warm water and epsom salts later on. The doctor always prescribes an antibiotic (in my case Cephalexin) and if I request it some painkillers (usually Hydrocodone). It will normally completely heal in about two weeks and starts regrowing in a month.

Alright Charles. Let's do this thing.

Well I feel a little bad about starting this dumb blog but never posting anything in it. Even though I hate the popularization of "blogs" being based around retards posting their stupid opinions about things and being totally ignorant of related facts. Since I do that all the time anyway I figure I should hop aboard the gravy train while the gravy's hot!! No no nope. Please don't mind how idiotic this all seems whoever is out there. I am tired of perusing the same five websites and not doing anything waiting for something to change.

Anyways I'm just gonna write something here each day. Since I can't commit to exercising or losing weight I figure I will just write. Write about anything. I don't know anything. It's like self imposed therapy or something. I've never been good with therapy. It's hard to get psychiatric help when I think psychiatrists and psychologists are basically swindlers. Nobody's time is worth fucking four hundred dollars an hour. What am I paying you for? To listen to me ramble about nothing and suggest some input that I could have gotten from being high or some shit? I could talk to a bum for free and all he'd ask for is maybe five dollars or just a cigarette. God damn. Well there's more I want to write about but I am worried if I write down all my ideas on one post I won't have anything to write about the next day so I'll just say "Adieu!"

Literotica by yours truly.

Well well what with this going on here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQyRxJLbyr0

I decided to add the text versions. The first edition which is read in the video, and the longer version which is more drawn out and with even more unnecessary disgusting details.

i am running my hands through my neckbeard imagining that its juliet's sweet carress. her soft tender whispers into my fat hairy chin as she reasurres me that she is interested in my personality as a youtube pooper. my near permanent flaccid cock begins to stir in my grey underwears. i push through the fly as i try to extract my somewhat hard member, brushing past the pee stain from a half hour ago when i misfired while going on the toilet. juliet, tell me how much you love my youtube poops. god your poops are so random and hillarious, and you're just so fucking funny hahahha, she says and my heart and penis begins to flutter. i fondle my staggering cock once more, imagining it to be her soft feminine hand, and i picture her wide luscious thighs calling to me.then she takes off her glasses and looks at me with her glistening diamond eyes and gives me a long tender kiss with her womanly features. juliet turns around, winking at me with a girlish giggle, and pulls down her panties exposing her enormous delcious butt cheeks, resembling ripe grapefruits which i promptly dove my mouth in between and slobbered over like a bloodhound. i looked up for a second as i heard juliet whimper, and i saw her turn around to be Big Jeffery as he yelled "NOT IN MY POOOOOPER" and shot out a typhoon of diarrhea shit onto my face from his enormous fat black asshole. he started rocketing around the room, shooting out chunky corn-and-carrot-filled turds all over the place until i was in danger of drowning in the room and just as it filled up he rocketed through the cieling and into deep space, where he caught in orbit of the Earth and began spraying diarrhea all over the world until the planet was completely covered in shit. Then Big Jeffery died and we never saw him again.

LONGER VERSION

I find myself alone on another Saturday night, looking out at the stars and taking an enormous shit on my neighbor's roof when I begin thinking of her, that special someone, Juliet. I know the name sounds a little cliche, and I'm no Romeo, but as I leap onto my garage tarp and stumble onto my sedan door, spraying blood from my sliced up ass cheeks I think of just how beautiful she is. I walk back inside and offer a sacrificial dog, filled with gallons of my collective semen from the last month and covered in piss, to the great Olmec God of War Xt'Tapalatakettle by lighting it on fire then sit down in my favorite chair while watching it burn. I am running my hands through my neckbeard imagining that its juliet's sweet carress. her soft tender whispers into my fat hairy chin as she reasurres me that she is interested in my personality as a youtube pooper. my near permanent flaccid cock begins to stir in my grey underwears. i push through the fly as i try to extract my somewhat hard member, brushing past the pee stain from a half hour ago when i misfired while going on the toilet. juliet, tell me how much you love my youtube poops. I begin to see her in my imagination, a ripe young beauty of unimaginable girth and divine sexiness. god your poops are so random and hillarious, and you're just so fucking funny hahahha, I want you to fuck me so hard for hours on end in my mouth and shoot your hot semen in my ears until I am deaf. she says and my heart and penis begins to flutter. I see her masculine jaw grind down a brick and it drives me wild. i fondle my staggering cock once more, imagining it to be her soft feminine hand, and i picture her wide luscious thighs calling to me.then she takes off her glasses and looks at me with her glistening diamond eyes and gives me a long tender kiss with her womanly features just before vomiting all over my face and forcing it down my mouth. It is so delicious and it absolutely makes me insane with lust for her, the sexiest 94 year old who ever lived. She shoves her breasts in my face, incredibly huge and brimming with fat and she suffocates me with them and punches me in the testicles for about 13 minutes. While I am still gasping for air and begging for more, juliet shoves a small spanish child up my anus, making me piss all over her face. juliet turns around, winking at me with a manly chortle, and pulls down her adult diaper exposing her enormous delcious butt cheeks, resembling spoiled watermelons which i promptly dove my mouth in between and slobbered over like a bloodhound. She quickly called out "No, not my rectum, I never wipe!" which only gets me hotter and hornier until I have a huge boner the size of the Empire State Building. She starts to scream and I slam my angered fist into her anus I looked up for a second as i heard juliet whimpering, and i saw her turn around to be Big Jeffery as he yelled "NOT IN MY POOOOOPER" and shot out a typhoon of diarrhea shit onto my face from his enormous fat black asshole. he started rocketing around the room, shooting out chunky corn-and-carrot-filled turds all over the place until i was in danger of drowning in the room and just as it filled up he rocketed through the cieling and into deep space, where he caught in orbit of the Earth and began spraying diarrhea all over the world until the planet was completely covered in shit. Everyone on Earth soon began suffocating from the horrible stench and those who would survive quickly drowned in it. A spaceship of survivors tried to escape to the moon but it collided with Big Jeffery in orbit, sending him rocketing into the cosmos. Then Big Jeffery died and we never saw him again.

French Kornwallets and Maple Syrup

Tap dancing lessons gone horribly awry when the teacher turned out to be not the finely attractive woman I had been ogling all this time but a middle aged man with a ridiculously disproportionate body and extremely well toned physique. This did not set me back at all from continuing my nightly flirtatious behavior one bit. I always did think she slapped unusually harder than the other elderly women in the class.

Got a fuckin wrench in these gears son.

Someone shoot a dart full of liquid nitrogen into my butt cheeks I was stuck like that for years and you'd think a Doctor would know better.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CA8BXvdq9Y

Dis is Harry Corleone Mason De La Franchoni Mancini Particofski Dubbledeedooferton the The Twelfth and welcome to my worst fuckin nightmare.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f141OqXNqXE

Good lord my spine.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Where I've been!

This last Thursday I get sworn in as the emperor of some African tribe and as I am lounging about with my harem of voluptuous dark skinned concubines I find myself bombarded with army ants carrying the entire acre of land away. I get on the phone with the army ant zoning permit authority and they tell me that my whole tribe is in the middle of army ant holy ground. Well that just baked my boxers. Me and several of aforementioned concubines went downstairs to the armory and equipped ourselves with standard issue flamethrowers and practically burnt down the whole fucking Amazon. I suddenly found myself in a crate filled with fire ants being sent to Australia. That's airport security for you!