The first paragraph from a story I'm writing.

“Well sir it's uhh... like this you see...” Oliver stared at the man across the desk fumbling about with his glasses and the paper he seemed to be attempting to read to him. The man was a sweaty balding man in an ill-fitting black suit and tie with amazingly thick glasses. He took another sip of his coffee, trying desperately not to spill it with his already shaking hands, and finally licked his lips to give another shot at giving Oliver the news. “Your parents are both, well, dead.” This news really bothered Oliver. He didn't burst into tears or grit his teeth though. What he did was snap his fingers and say: “Dang! Mother was going to make my favorite casserole tonight.”

A short story by yours truly:

today on mythbusters we are gonna crack the myth that a woman can only make one guy cum at once and to do that we are gonna all fuck kari byron at once. adam savage took his red haired disgusting meat pole and stuck it up kari's anus and began thrusting while jamie heineman took out his dick which was also bald with a beret and mustache and stuck it up her red haired cunt. torey or corey or whatever that other guy's name is stuck his jew dick in her slopping mouth and grabbed her fine small tits. grant couldn't do much because he had a nonexistance asian penis so he stood there and kari tried to stroke it but got carpal tunnel syndrome very quickly. then adam and corey both shot their jazz into kari but jamie was boring and uninterested by everything so he was unable to shoot any sperm. kari got out buster and dropped it from five stories up onto jamies package and he shot out a typhoon of man juice. THIS MYTH IS BUSTED DEFINITELY kari said as she tried to swim through the overflow of bald man spunk

I wrote it while a small Latino man sewed the words "BIG BOPPIN" into my forearm with cinnamon dental floss in a procedure that costs well over forty thousand dollars.