Diagnosis: Deranged

Holy cow hello

2011-05-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

BAPPA DAPPA BOOP

2010-12-07T06:20:00.001-08:00

HUHUHEHEHAHAHAHA

welp

2010-08-09T17:51:00.003-07:00

Maybe openly writing about how depressed I am wasn't such a good idea after all

my ideas

2010-07-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

an alien whose body is comprised of lightning and comes from a planet of similar beings is sent to earth with his brother as ambassadors and they take on physical forms which they are bonded to and they are taken to area 51 where scientists experiment on them to try and understand them because the world is now run by war-like robotic dictatorship and they experiment on his brother first and end up making him go sociopathic and after learning from that experiment they succeed in making them stronger in some way but the main alien only suffers mild intelligence loss and not total insanity. (thus making him "average" minded) they then wipe his mind and send him off to work in a fast food restaurant with a disheveled robot general from the losing side of a robot war that took place a hundred years ago.

Unpleasant

2010-07-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

Well I went to the doctor yesterday. The eye doctor. He did some shit with a syringe going through my eyeball or something and dropped fluid down my throat which proved nothing was wrong. Then I freaked out and reportedly went totally pale and my eyes felt funny and my hearing became dulled out and I had to lay down for a few minutes. So that was fun and entirely pointless.

My birthday is in a week on the 31st. Can't wait to feel obligated to go somewhere cause it's my birthday and I have an unpleasant and uncomfortable day with my family. I just remembered my birthday last year when my sister just gave me 100 dollars. I don't remember why but I gave it to my mother I think as part of a payment so she would buy me something expensive and then she never paid me back in any way and then she lost her job in December. I remember one birthday my family was like "so do you wanna go somewhere for your birthday" and I said "Yep. To sleep" because I was on a sleep during the evening schedule. I don't know why but I always get shitty presents. The only really good present I've ever received was a gamecube for christmas and all I played on it was Metroid Prime.

The absolute worst Christmas was when I got an acoustic guitar. I tried learning it for all of five seconds. Then the worst birthday was just before I dropped out of high school after receiving the same shitty laptop I use today. That was four years ago. So here's to the big 5 year anniversary next year of not having a fucking computer that works worth a shit and here's to my 19th anniversary of a life that isn't worth a shit either.

Uhhhuhhhhhhh

2010-07-22T01:19:00.001-07:00

I played Rock Band 2 on Sunday. I was able to pretend my way through vocals on several songs but eventually my vocal chords got the best of me and I went back to playing the guitar which I haven't played in a year and my hands are no longer contorted and twisted.

Maybe more posts later.

This is Friday's post

2010-07-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

Well I don't really have anything to write about today either but tomorrow I am going to help out my sister build some furniture or something and probably play Rock Band 2. I can't wait to wow them with my vocal skills! I think I have strange eating habits so if a day sticks out I will list the things I ate. Today I ate 4 pieces of baked chicken with ketchup and about 5 hours later I had a single cup of noodles. Throughout the day I have been eating an uncomfortable amount of candy. I ate all the sour ones I could find first and now my tongue is very sensitive so to "balance it out" I was eating the sweet gooey ones like starburst and laffy taffy.

Does anyone remember that terrible hip hop song from like 5 years ago that was just "GIRL SHAKE YO LAFFY TAFFY" over and over again? I think it's funny how those lame dance hip hop songs are the definition of fads. They're played nonstop on the one hip hop radio station in town and in clubs (or so I assume, having never been to a dance club myself) and then they just suddenly disappear and they go from SLOW MOTION BABY UNNNGH to HEY THERE MISS NEW BOOTY to SOULJA BOY UP IN IT HO to GIRL SHAKE YO LAFFY TAFFY. Unless you're Katt Williams in which case ERRYDAY AHM HUSTLIN has never faded out.

Let's pretend that never happened.

2010-07-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

Forgot to write here yesterday. I had my toe surgery and the first day is always the worst. It keeps oozing leftover pus and refusing to clot. So Friday's post will just be a link.

Rewind

2010-07-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

In my desperate search for something to entertain me and fill time so I don't have to actually do anything productive I started replaying Bioshock for the third time. I discovered an "unlock framerate" option that lowers the visual quality and increases frames per second. I wish more games had these because I am addicted to smooth running video games.

I have an appointment tomorrow to have an ingrown toenail removed. I have had around ten ingrown toenails in the last several years. This one in particular pisses me off because I had a permanent procedure on the nail. I am starting to think this doctor is screwing me over. I remember the first few times I had them done and I was really sensitive and it was painful. Now when I go there it's just business as usual and if there is any pressure it barely phases me. Unless the nail is really bad and he might have to numb it up more. Oh yeah. That's the part that always bothers me. The procedure usually goes like this: The doctor rubs what I think is iodine all over my big toe to sterilize it. Then he uses a "freeze spray" to numb the surface. This is the most painful part. It's like ice cold needles falling on your toe. The next part is less painful and more uncomfortable. He inserts a needle in several spots and slowly injects a numbing chemical. Then you wait in the room for ten minutes or so while your toe slowly becomes totally numb. After that time passes he comes back and takes out a large pair of clippers and takes off a giant chunk of nail. Then it bleeds profusely for a few hours so he puts on a large amount of bandages and this thready gauze that always gets stuck to the wound after the blood starts to clot. It doesn't come off until you soak it in warm water and epsom salts later on. The doctor always prescribes an antibiotic (in my case Cephalexin) and if I request it some painkillers (usually Hydrocodone). It will normally completely heal in about two weeks and starts regrowing in a month.

Alright Charles. Let's do this thing.

2010-07-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

Well I feel a little bad about starting this dumb blog but never posting anything in it. Even though I hate the popularization of "blogs" being based around retards posting their stupid opinions about things and being totally ignorant of related facts. Since I do that all the time anyway I figure I should hop aboard the gravy train while the gravy's hot!! No no nope. Please don't mind how idiotic this all seems whoever is out there. I am tired of perusing the same five websites and not doing anything waiting for something to change.

Anyways I'm just gonna write something here each day. Since I can't commit to exercising or losing weight I figure I will just write. Write about anything. I don't know anything. It's like self imposed therapy or something. I've never been good with therapy. It's hard to get psychiatric help when I think psychiatrists and psychologists are basically swindlers. Nobody's time is worth fucking four hundred dollars an hour. What am I paying you for? To listen to me ramble about nothing and suggest some input that I could have gotten from being high or some shit? I could talk to a bum for free and all he'd ask for is maybe five dollars or just a cigarette. God damn. Well there's more I want to write about but I am worried if I write down all my ideas on one post I won't have anything to write about the next day so I'll just say "Adieu!"

Literotica by yours truly.

2010-04-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

Well well what with this going on here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQyRxJLbyr0

I decided to add the text versions. The first edition which is read in the video, and the longer version which is more drawn out and with even more unnecessary disgusting details.

i am running my hands through my neckbeard imagining that its juliet's sweet carress. her soft tender whispers into my fat hairy chin as she reasurres me that she is interested in my personality as a youtube pooper. my near permanent flaccid cock begins to stir in my grey underwears. i push through the fly as i try to extract my somewhat hard member, brushing past the pee stain from a half hour ago when i misfired while going on the toilet. juliet, tell me how much you love my youtube poops. god your poops are so random and hillarious, and you're just so fucking funny hahahha, she says and my heart and penis begins to flutter. i fondle my staggering cock once more, imagining it to be her soft feminine hand, and i picture her wide luscious thighs calling to me.then she takes off her glasses and looks at me with her glistening diamond eyes and gives me a long tender kiss with her womanly features. juliet turns around, winking at me with a girlish giggle, and pulls down her panties exposing her enormous delcious butt cheeks, resembling ripe grapefruits which i promptly dove my mouth in between and slobbered over like a bloodhound. i looked up for a second as i heard juliet whimper, and i saw her turn around to be Big Jeffery as he yelled "NOT IN MY POOOOOPER" and shot out a typhoon of diarrhea shit onto my face from his enormous fat black asshole. he started rocketing around the room, shooting out chunky corn-and-carrot-filled turds all over the place until i was in danger of drowning in the room and just as it filled up he rocketed through the cieling and into deep space, where he caught in orbit of the Earth and began spraying diarrhea all over the world until the planet was completely covered in shit. Then Big Jeffery died and we never saw him again.

LONGER VERSION

I find myself alone on another Saturday night, looking out at the stars and taking an enormous shit on my neighbor's roof when I begin thinking of her, that special someone, Juliet. I know the name sounds a little cliche, and I'm no Romeo, but as I leap onto my garage tarp and stumble onto my sedan door, spraying blood from my sliced up ass cheeks I think of just how beautiful she is. I walk back inside and offer a sacrificial dog, filled with gallons of my collective semen from the last month and covered in piss, to the great Olmec God of War Xt'Tapalatakettle by lighting it on fire then sit down in my favorite chair while watching it burn. I am running my hands through my neckbeard imagining that its juliet's sweet carress. her soft tender whispers into my fat hairy chin as she reasurres me that she is interested in my personality as a youtube pooper. my near permanent flaccid cock begins to stir in my grey underwears. i push through the fly as i try to extract my somewhat hard member, brushing past the pee stain from a half hour ago when i misfired while going on the toilet. juliet, tell me how much you love my youtube poops. I begin to see her in my imagination, a ripe young beauty of unimaginable girth and divine sexiness. god your poops are so random and hillarious, and you're just so fucking funny hahahha, I want you to fuck me so hard for hours on end in my mouth and shoot your hot semen in my ears until I am deaf. she says and my heart and penis begins to flutter. I see her masculine jaw grind down a brick and it drives me wild. i fondle my staggering cock once more, imagining it to be her soft feminine hand, and i picture her wide luscious thighs calling to me.then she takes off her glasses and looks at me with her glistening diamond eyes and gives me a long tender kiss with her womanly features just before vomiting all over my face and forcing it down my mouth. It is so delicious and it absolutely makes me insane with lust for her, the sexiest 94 year old who ever lived. She shoves her breasts in my face, incredibly huge and brimming with fat and she suffocates me with them and punches me in the testicles for about 13 minutes. While I am still gasping for air and begging for more, juliet shoves a small spanish child up my anus, making me piss all over her face. juliet turns around, winking at me with a manly chortle, and pulls down her adult diaper exposing her enormous delcious butt cheeks, resembling spoiled watermelons which i promptly dove my mouth in between and slobbered over like a bloodhound. She quickly called out "No, not my rectum, I never wipe!" which only gets me hotter and hornier until I have a huge boner the size of the Empire State Building. She starts to scream and I slam my angered fist into her anus I looked up for a second as i heard juliet whimpering, and i saw her turn around to be Big Jeffery as he yelled "NOT IN MY POOOOOPER" and shot out a typhoon of diarrhea shit onto my face from his enormous fat black asshole. he started rocketing around the room, shooting out chunky corn-and-carrot-filled turds all over the place until i was in danger of drowning in the room and just as it filled up he rocketed through the cieling and into deep space, where he caught in orbit of the Earth and began spraying diarrhea all over the world until the planet was completely covered in shit. Everyone on Earth soon began suffocating from the horrible stench and those who would survive quickly drowned in it. A spaceship of survivors tried to escape to the moon but it collided with Big Jeffery in orbit, sending him rocketing into the cosmos. Then Big Jeffery died and we never saw him again.

French Kornwallets and Maple Syrup

2009-05-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

Tap dancing lessons gone horribly awry when the teacher turned out to be not the finely attractive woman I had been ogling all this time but a middle aged man with a ridiculously disproportionate body and extremely well toned physique. This did not set me back at all from continuing my nightly flirtatious behavior one bit. I always did think she slapped unusually harder than the other elderly women in the class.

Got a fuckin wrench in these gears son.

2009-04-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

Someone shoot a dart full of liquid nitrogen into my butt cheeks I was stuck like that for years and you'd think a Doctor would know better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CA8BXvdq9Y

Dis is Harry Corleone Mason De La Franchoni Mancini Particofski Dubbledeedooferton the The Twelfth and welcome to my worst fuckin nightmare.

2009-03-20T01:08:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f141OqXNqXE

Good lord my spine.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Where I've been!

2009-03-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

This last Thursday I get sworn in as the emperor of some African tribe and as I am lounging about with my harem of voluptuous dark skinned concubines I find myself bombarded with army ants carrying the entire acre of land away. I get on the phone with the army ant zoning permit authority and they tell me that my whole tribe is in the middle of army ant holy ground. Well that just baked my boxers. Me and several of aforementioned concubines went downstairs to the armory and equipped ourselves with standard issue flamethrowers and practically burnt down the whole fucking Amazon. I suddenly found myself in a crate filled with fire ants being sent to Australia. That's airport security for you!

AYCH EYE WHY OH

2009-02-19T13:28:00.000-08:00

So I go to the comedy club last Sunday with a pocket full of the funniest shit you ever heard and when I get there the bar doesn't even serve Luxembourg Shuffles so I grab the 'tender by the throat and hurl him all the way into the industrial fan on the other side of town spinning at full blast and we all enjoyed him steam broiled with a nice side of hash browns but then when I went on stage to perform my jokes suddenly disappeared into Dimension Skloop and I fell face first into a puddle of elephant sputum.

All in all an uneventful weekend.

SWEET GOODNESS DOG JIZZEREM

2009-02-03T18:35:00.001-08:00

HOLY PATOOTIES SANFRANOODY WHERE YA BEEN AT THESE LAST FIVE YEARS

Left4Dead of the reviewings

2008-11-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

I can say, when him i-Freund of me I d' have asked; I buy, to reach aroused this competition. This competition is the pleasure approximately 10 minutes follows and is complete waste products. Quelqu' a guard d' access considers the diagram of ps2 is l' matter. In the diagram of side, l' the idea is fresh, but the game of competition is waste products. Why? If you and durchstreifen, agreements must receive the comrade d' crew by you your god of file d' guards done if by wrongly you receives. As this doesn' ; t must you then to die. These are a god of file d' waiting superschnelles and can jump high really. The competition n' is not for me. Perhaps enkele-van want, but n' does not buy rents.

Some of us are unlucky and must play left4dead on an xbox with every ignoramus around.

Between a cock and a hard face.

2008-11-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

SO THIS HALLO EEEN I WAS ON CHARGE FOR HANSERIN THE DOOR!!1 I was opening the door giving the strange children all the candy then I swear it is 9 o clock and it's been an hour since a kid has shown up WHEN SUDDENLY A DOOR KNOCK AND IT IS A STrANGE MAN ABOUT 30 YEARS OLD HE IS DRESSED up in a hello kitty outfit with a dress and facepaint. I am deeply disturbed by this but as he says trick or treat i notice i am pressed up against the screen door with an ENORMOUS ERECTION!!!!!! he stares at me and is tare at him then he asks if he can come inside with a wink and a tone to his voice and i hurl my bucket of Hot Tamales at him, scalding his face for life.

the end and god bless

HOOOLEEEE SHIIIEEEEEET

2008-10-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

OOOOOOOOGHUGHUUGGHHThe Swift Flight Form is now available on the trainer at level 71, requiring 300 riding skill, and FligFE

anyway FOOOOOOFOFOFO

Millimeters of sanity

2008-10-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Every time I think I'm happy, someone tells me I'm depressed. I insist I'm not, but they insist I am. Then someone else agrees with them, but no one agrees with me. Who do I trust? Can I get a third opinion? I don't know how I am anymore.

Sooper dee dooper

2008-10-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

Alone in Russia with 2 American dollars to my name. That's the last time I use Travelocity!

SILANT HOLL SEVEN REVOW!!

2008-10-05T10:40:00.001-07:00

SLANT HOLE SEVN IS DA FIFTH IN DA SERIS OF DA SLANTED HOLES CERIS ITS ABOUT A TOWN CALLED SPOOKY HILL!!! ITS WHERE CRAZY PEOPLE IMAGINE GHOSTS AND GO TO THE TOWN FOR REALS!!! I IS FILLED WITH SPOOKY EXISTIENTCIALSM AND OTHER SPOOKYs!!! SPOOKY@!@

GARFIX:E DIS GAME SI DA HD MASTERPIEZX OI GIF DA GAME GODS EVN DA DFRAMERAT SUMTIESM A LITL SLO GAM PRETY GOOD ALR AOUDN AND DA NURSES AR DA HOTTEST OF DA SERIEWS!!! I CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11SEVN

FINAL SCORE: TIMES 56/GOAT

MUSIC: NO MUSIXXK IN DIS SERIS ONLY GOQATS GROANIN AND DA SOUND OF CLOCKS AND ALRMS AND SIRENS!!!! SIRENS!! LOTS OF AIR RAID SIRNESs CAUSE WE AR UDNR ADATAK! AND METAL CLANGIN NOISES

FINAL SCORE: 1/.5

GAMEPLAY: COAMBATS IMPROVED CU Z U R A SOLDIAR!!!112 BUT NOT SO MUCHZ DAT U R ARNT CSCARED CUZ DER IS NO AMMOZ EVR AND DA ENEMSI KWILL FUK YU UP OKAY SO WATCH OUT I WUNRED U

FINAL SCORE: EAZY E/PUBLIC ENEMY

STOREY: IDN DIS GAME U R LIKE A REAL PERSON CAUZ INSTED OF CRYIN ABOUT UR LOST DAUGHTER OR SUM WIFE U MURDERD THAT NEVER HAPPENS U R CRYIN ABOUT UR PARENTS WHO DONT CARE ABOU U DIS HAPPENS 9 TIMES OUTTA TEN IN AMERIKKA OR SO MY SOURCES TELL ME BTW MY SOURCSE ARE MY LARGE TOES

FINAL SCORE: BISHOP/TERMINATOR 2

TOTAL GAME SCORE:

So yeah I thought it was pretty good.

The first paragraph from a story I'm writing.

2008-10-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

“Well sir it's uhh... like this you see...” Oliver stared at the man across the desk fumbling about with his glasses and the paper he seemed to be attempting to read to him. The man was a sweaty balding man in an ill-fitting black suit and tie with amazingly thick glasses. He took another sip of his coffee, trying desperately not to spill it with his already shaking hands, and finally licked his lips to give another shot at giving Oliver the news. “Your parents are both, well, dead.” This news really bothered Oliver. He didn't burst into tears or grit his teeth though. What he did was snap his fingers and say: “Dang! Mother was going to make my favorite casserole tonight.”

Finally!

2008-09-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to seeing those men with the giant hedge-clippers and barrels of acid to perform that lucrative surgery I've been needing. I can't feel my legs, but I am sure it will pass!

A short story by yours truly:

2008-09-21T11:41:00.000-07:00

today on mythbusters we are gonna crack the myth that a woman can only make one guy cum at once and to do that we are gonna all fuck kari byron at once. adam savage took his red haired disgusting meat pole and stuck it up kari's anus and began thrusting while jamie heineman took out his dick which was also bald with a beret and mustache and stuck it up her red haired cunt. torey or corey or whatever that other guy's name is stuck his jew dick in her slopping mouth and grabbed her fine small tits. grant couldn't do much because he had a nonexistance asian penis so he stood there and kari tried to stroke it but got carpal tunnel syndrome very quickly. then adam and corey both shot their jazz into kari but jamie was boring and uninterested by everything so he was unable to shoot any sperm. kari got out buster and dropped it from five stories up onto jamies package and he shot out a typhoon of man juice. THIS MYTH IS BUSTED DEFINITELY kari said as she tried to swim through the overflow of bald man spunk

I wrote it while a small Latino man sewed the words "BIG BOPPIN" into my forearm with cinnamon dental floss in a procedure that costs well over forty thousand dollars.

Re: It's now safe to say the PS3 days of glory has officialy started!!!

2008-09-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

WHOMPEM

I EXPERIMENTED TODAY!

2008-09-17T05:40:00.000-07:00

I tried drinking the confounded tap water and it made my mouth dry up like a prune along with a raging erection for 12 hours and the unbelievable urge to smash my head into a television set while it played crime dramas.

WHAT A VACATION THIS TURNED OUT TA BE!!! AHOO!!

Sometimes...

2008-09-12T22:04:00.000-07:00

I am taking a dump and think about myself as a person and I start to hate myself for different decisions I have made, then I remember I am an overall better person than at least 90% of people.

Thanks 90%, you keep me going.